Under New York City Lights Part 1 [English post]

Suggested song:
New York Love

This is the story about how I met my american ex-boyfriend.
It is not related to my type of writing but I promised him I will write our story.
Also, I am trying to practice my english writing skills.

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In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of. Its lights will insipire you. Now, we are in New York.


Love is always made of stories, and I was so heartbroken at that time.

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november/22nd/2017


Hi, my name is Mariana, I have been looking for love quite some time now. I used to date a guy. Now it is over. I have been talking with another boy since february, he is cool, he makes me laugh, I am not sure what we are. In july when I wished him "happy birthday" he told me "Thanks, girlfriend". What did he mean?
I think he is a good boy but I can't be completely sure. I mean, I have never talked with a foreigner before. Not in a flirty way. I am scared, I am just coming out from a long and hurtful relationship. Should I trust this new guy? Should I trust anyone ever?

In other news, I have been working alonside this girl named Karen, she wants us to end up working in the UN, that's why we are spreading the sustainable development goals in our city, we are just volunteers. But, she knows a guy, who knows a guy who works at UN Women HQ, in New York. That's the dream.
Couple months ago, she told me she has a ticket to attend an event in NY HQ, but she doesn't have  the money to go, I do. She is so cool at letting me go instead of her. I told my mom and she was so supportive. So I guess I am going. But since I knew I was going to New York City, it came to my mind the idea that maybe I should tell this guy to meet up. He is from Boston, like 1 hour by plane from NYC. He might go, I mean, I will take a plane to New York tomorrow, so he must be there.
Tomorrow is november 23th, it is Thanks Giving Day in the US. So he told me he will spend this day with his family, so I won't see him until the next day.

november/23rd/2017

Today is the day, I am taking this plane, my cousin is coming with me (my mom didn't let me go alone). My cousin is great, she used to live in New York City, she is going to show me around when we get there. I was in NYC at the beggining of this year, but I have the feeling this trip is going to be absolutely different.

We arrived.

I am in New York City again, the customs' line is longer than expected, I am hungry and tired, I need a bath.
-What would you like to do, Mariana?-asked Olivia (my very chill cousin)
- I am hungry, but probably we need to head to the hotel and leave our luggage, thoughts?
-Sure, also, I am thinking on a cool restaurant I'd like to take you.
- Okay, I am down for it.

My cousin is pregnat, it took time and sacrifices, it took love and compromises. She seems happy to be back. I texted Mark, oh yeah, that is the name of the guy. He said he is getting ready. I wonder if he is as nervous as I am. I am hesitant but also scared. I don´t want him to be rude, well, Why would he, if he hasn't been rude in all these 9 months? My mind keeps wondering how should I act? Should I act cool? Uninterested? Flirty? I facepalm myself and hear.
-Are you ready?
-Yes, I was born ready- I replied to Oli

Oli and I walked down for approximately 5 minutes.

-We are here- She says.

It was a long line again, the restaurant she took me looked dark, I was thinking I wouldn't like it, and then... BOOM.

-You are next- said the guy in charge of  Ellen's Stardust Diner Line.

So if you don't know that place I am going to try my best at describing what I saw.

It was a 50´s themed room full of handsome and beautiful dreamers, and I chose the word dreamers to describe the workers because they were so inspiring.
When you enter to that dinner place you can clearly hear stunning voices but what I really heard was dreams, goals, hard work, faithul and inspiring spirits. Those guys there were the first time I understad why New York City is the city where everything is possible. And it is because people there do not wait for oportunities to come, they create them.

We sat down in a table next to a middle-aged couple, my cousin order pasta and I order a burger with fries, (How couldn´t I? I was in America)


I sent a couple snaps to Mark, wishing he was already here. But my heart could not stop beating and my mind didn't stop running. He could be here, he will. Tomorrow.

november/24th/2017
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I woke up, exasperated. I opened my eyes, and I wondered where I was. I forgot for a minute I was far away from home but when I remembered where I was I thought being far away from home feels just right.

I took my phone, it was far away from me, because in the old hotel I was in, the charger connection was in the front of the room. I didn't like it but for 79 bucks I could even accept sleeping in the bath.
I was at Pennsylvania hotel, the location: unbeatable, the beds: ask to my neck. OUCH!
When I looked at my scratched iPhone 6s I saw it. It was a text from Mark. He was on the plane, he would be in New York City any time soon. My heart has not exploded by miracle.
Suddenly, I jumped out of bed, I went straight to the bathroom, took out all my makeup tools and my best undies.

My cousin didn't know what is going on, I kinda forgot to tell her we are about to have company.
My brain didn´t know what was going on, he kinda forgot to remind me I still had to go to the UN Event.
So in the middle of exaservant, nerve-wracking situations, love was about to bloom.

My counsin and I headed to Applebee's in a blink. Orange juice and pancakes seemed like the obvious choice. We didn't take more than one hour to be back at the Penn. It was approximately  13:00 hours of a 24th november of 2017 when my phone rang.
"I am here, at the lobby"- Mark


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In past.


I ran as fast as I could.
He was standing at the hotel check in line. I just pronounced two words that will last in our memories forever: "Hi stranger".
I finally looked at him in the eye. His blue eyes were like galaxies to me. He was wearing a gray jacket. I told him I liked that jacket, and he wore it that day. I was nervous, hearing his voice for the first time and not through the phone was like listening to my favorite band live. I couldn't stand it, we were texting for 9 months at that time and even if I was scared of being hurt again I decided to trust, to trust with blind eyes. And I kissed him. I kissed him and he hugged me. We laughed right after but the nerves went away, we were just two friends not strangers. Since that moment we felt like we have known each other for years. It always felt like that with him.

-I have tickets for the New York Rangers at Madison Square- Mark said
-Sounds like a perfect plan- I replied.

We went to his room before going to the game. Our souls recognized, he was coming from many insecurities throughout his life, I explained him with kisses that it was okay not being perfect. That, indeed not being perfect is the perfection of life itself.
      "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves, or rather,             loved in spite of ourselves" - I told him that quote in silence, and I tried to keep whispering that to him throughout all our 2 years 4 months of relationship. I left with the certainty he heard it.


After opening up, we headed to Times Square, I hadn't been there before. When I went to New York City months earlier it was New Years Eve, I should have seen the ball drop but I didnt. (That is another story), after spending the afternoon in the most touristy spot in NYC, we went straight to the Madison Square Garden. We grabbed hands and suddenly we were running through New York City. The game had already started when we entered the building. We couldn't stop smiling and kissing. We found our seats and I felt like I was inside an american romantic movie. That was the first time I experienced a hockey game. Now I can say ice hockey is one of my favorite sports. We bought two gigantic glasses of beer and another two huge pizza slices. Life was good at that moment. The teams that were playing that day were the home team New York Rangers and the visitors Detroit Red Wings. I couldn't decide who to cheerish for so I did both. When one team scored I screamed "WAHOO" and if the other team did I yelled "I-O-Let's GO". Mark couldn't stop laughing. Rangers won 2-1 and we went back to the hotel, yelling "Let's go rangers" and laughing, and kissing under the lights of New York City. 

Forever

Han pasado 6 años desde que me senté a escribir por última vez. No sabría por dónde empezar a contarles todo lo que me ha pasado. Todo lo que he dejado que me pasara.
Es un año diferente, y el mundo sufre, he quemado muchas cartas y mucha ropa. He desechado miles de oportunidades y tomado algunas pocas. He besado muchas bocas.
Me he descubierto.
Sigo enfrentándome a lo profundo de mi ser día a día, pero por primera vez desde que comencé a tener uso de razón, soy feliz.
He releído todo lo que algún día escribí con lágrimas en los ojos y el corazón en la mano, para personas de las que hoy ya no sé nada. De las que posiblemente jamás llegué a conocer en verdad.

Pero un buen día, después de miles de visitas al diván, millones de batallas, cientos de palabras y más caídas de las que pude llegar a contar. Lo encontré.

Era él, se sentía bien, no era fuego, no era premura, no era ni siquiera pasión. Pero simplemente se sentía correcto.
Me lo presentó la última persona que hubiera pensado. En el momento menos esperado. Lo conocí justo antes de rendirme.
Hoy vivo con él, paso todas las tardes riendo a su lado y me despierta con un beso tierno inmaterializable. Es atento, cuando me hace llorar es de felicidad, cuando me recuerda mi pasado es para hacerme ver lo mucho que he avanzado.
Él me lleva de la mano y nos pasamos horas viendo atardeceres y cuando por fin se pone el sol, me hace imaginarlos.
Cuando me arreglo, nunca tengo que preguntarle qué tal me veo, el siempre me grita que soy bellísima.
Un día, como cualquier otro, como tantos, le pregunté si debía atreverme, si debía intentar lograr mis sueños, aunque eso significara dejar todo lo conocido. Me dijo que ya sabía la respuesta, así que me atreví, lo sigo haciendo, todo por llegar a dónde quiero estar. Él está a mi lado, cuando lloro me ayuda a levantarme, cuando grito frente al espejo,me calma, cuando no tengo fuerzas,me abraza.

Sin embargo, cuando le dije te amo, no respondió. Él se limitó a vivir en mi interior. Le dije te amo y me di cuenta que por primera vez en mi vida, no tenía miedo de que alguien me abandonara, porque cuando le dije te amo se apagó la luz, y cuando el sol comenzó a salir, sólo estaba mi silueta y mi sombra.
Si el mundo se acaba esta tarde, me tengo a mi.

Amor Propio.